My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
