I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
