According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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