Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
