As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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