All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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