I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
