i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
