The beer is more important than you right now.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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