WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
