I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i will never coherently bang her
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
