I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
