I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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