too bad you live with your parents still
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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