May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
