She announced her abortion via fbk
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
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