i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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