PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
