I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
