All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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