so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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