I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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