just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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