At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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