I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
