shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize