i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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