Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
