I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I can text with my tongue
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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