Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
