It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
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