Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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