you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
