i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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