Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
