lets start a swedish sibling band together
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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