Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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