And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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