I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
