Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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