Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize