plz talk dirty to me
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
nutella sex= disaster
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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