I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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