Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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