"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Randomize
