just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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