the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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