Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
