her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
