How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
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