It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Randomize
