it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
