You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
