We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Randomize
