He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
