I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
