My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Randomize
