I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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