I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
