I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
