It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
