i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
