That's intense
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Randomize
