he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
