Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
