im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
