You're my little dorito
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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