In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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