you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
