stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
