I want to stick my p in your. b.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
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