where am i from again
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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