whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
