I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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